Everything is possible if you apply yourself. Nothing is possible if you don’t.

And that can (and should) be read in several ways — to apply yourself as in to try hard, to make the honest attempt, AND to literally make an application, in this case for a job.

It’s been a long long time since I’ve done that. So long that to do so had become one of those things that seems impossible. I mean, my CV is so threadbare and embarrassing that my recourse is to try to see it as funny. Serious consideration of the situation is too painful. But I made it, I got a referee, and I submitted it. All things I should have done  15 years ago. It’s strange that it wasn’t even that hard. After all the build up I’d given it… a lesson I wish I could learn there.

So far it’s just been pushing buttons on a keyboard. Yes, that has ramifications in the real world, but I haven’t felt them yet. The next step — interviewing, face to face interaction, having to actually explain myself to strangers — is terrifying.

But everything I want is on the other side of fear.

So fear is evidence of progress.



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