Aat the suggestion/insistence of P I’ve started something I once thought I’d never try again — medication. I’m doing my best to be open to this and to allow for the possibility that it could be effective and helpful. Given recent sudden and severe collapses in mood, and the sheer diligence in the application of effort required to mitigate those collapses, I have to look for ways to make life easier. The homebrew CBT, recent forays into meditation, and a regimen of physical exercise (running now) is effective in mood support, up to a point, but it’s hard and constant work. If an SSRI, or even the belief in an SSRI, works… then I have to try it.
There are risks — the side-effects principally — but in that case I’m prepared to try again with another drug rather than abandon the project.